lelo earl gold butt plug

Absolutely ridiculous. Lelo Earl: A 24k gold butt plug

Today’s review is not much of a review, per se, since I have not actually used the Lelo Earl, a 24k gold butt plug. That said, I’ve used many, many other butt plugs and feel confident in saying that the Lelo Earl may be a bit extravagant.

However, maybe I’m wrong; maybe you demand, nay, require the finest in life:

Patek Phillipe Calavatra
You wear the finest in Swiss watches
LaFerrari Ferrari
Drive the ultimate in motor technology
James Spader pretty in pink
Generally speaking, you’re this guy

In such a case, why on earth are you still using the prostate massager of the common man? Silicone and glass may be fine for Joe Lunch-pail and Mary Welfare-office, but your anus is of a different upbringing; Noble, proud, your prostate deserves the Lelo Earl.

Lelo Earl: Perfectly Designed for Connoisseurs of Male Pleasure


Twenty-four karat gold envelops the smooth lines, the contours reminiscent of sailing trips off Martha’s Vineyard. The ring base allows your servants ample ability to retrieve it from your glorious bottom and carefully bathe it in Fillico water.

fillico water
Anything less would be uncivilized.

Lastly, as a personal gift to you, Lelo includes a magnificently simple and elegant set of engraved cuff links, allowing you to quietly tell the world what they already know: your asshole is an asshole of distinction.


It would be indiscreet to inquire as to¬†how much the Lelo Earl costs; you know the saying, “if you have to ask, you can’t afford it.”

I can’t even look at you when you ask such ridiculous questions.