PALOQUETH (loooong name) Prostate Massager Review

What’s the deal with Chinese merchandise using a product description as a model name? Today’s post is all about the PALOQUETH Male G Spot Vibrator Prostate Massager with 8 Vibration Modes , PALOQUETH 3 in 1 Prostate Stimulator with 2 Intense Motors for P-Spot Testicles Perineum Stimulation, Wireless Remote Anal Sex Toy! I wish that they came up with a shorter name for this model but here we are, regardless. Strap in, it’s going to be wordy ride.

Who are these people?

What’s in a Name?

PALOQUETH has almost assured that nobody will ever google this specific product. Anecdotally, people don’t type more than six words into a search; how many words comprise this model name? PALOQUETH (1) Male (2) G (3) Spot (4) Vibrator (5) Prostate (6) Massager (7) with (8) 8 (9) Vibration (10) Modes , (11) PALOQUETH (12) 3 (13) in (14) 1 (15) Prostate (16) Stimulator (17) with (18) 2 (19) Intense (20) Motors (21) for (22) P-Spot (23) Testicles (24) Perineum (25) Stimulation, (26) Wireless (27) Remote (28) Anal (29) Sex (30) Toy. 30 WORDS. 

If you vote me, I’m hot.

I don’t get why PALOQUETH didn’t just pick a model name that people would remember. Just spitballing here, but the silhouette of this thing evokes a snake or one of those old-timey Arabic swords.

Other, better names for the PALOQUETH Male G Spot Vibrator Prostate Massager with 8 Vibration Modes , PALOQUETH 3 in 1 Prostate Stimulator with 2 Intense Motors for P-Spot Testicles Perineum Stimulation, Wireless Remote Anal Sex Toy:

PALOQUETH Sidewinder

Makes sense, right?

 

PALOQUETH Scimitar

PALOQUETH Scimitar would’ve been a badass name, IMO.

PALOQUETH, I’m available on a consultant basis to help name your products, just saying.

PALOQUETH Male G Spot Vibrator Prostate Massager with 8 Vibration Modes , PALOQUETH 3 in 1 Prostate Stimulator with 2 Intense Motors for P-Spot Testicles Perineum Stimulation, Wireless Remote Anal Sex Toy: First Looks

Name aside, PALOQUETH has put together an attractive package at an aggressive price point. The packaging materials feel high-grade, which is nice (who wants to feel cheap, right?)

PALOQUETH Male G Spot Vibrator Prostate Massager with 8 Vibration Modes , PALOQUETH 3 in 1 Prostate Stimulator with 2 Intense Motors for P-Spot Testicles Perineum Stimulation, Wireless Remote Anal Sex Toy packaging box
Nice box
PALOQUETH Male G Spot Vibrator Prostate Massager with 8 Vibration Modes , PALOQUETH 3 in 1 Prostate Stimulator with 2 Intense Motors for P-Spot Testicles Perineum Stimulation, Wireless Remote Anal Sex Toy and remote
PALOQUETH is keeping it classy.

Once everything’s unpacked, you’ll notice that PALOQUETH throws in a couple freebies; a small bottle of lube and a lube launcher. I didn’t get any lube in my box, but I wasn’t sweating it.

PALOQUETH Male G Spot Vibrator Prostate Massager with 8 Vibration Modes , PALOQUETH 3 in 1 Prostate Stimulator with 2 Intense Motors for P-Spot Testicles Perineum Stimulation, Wireless Remote Anal Sex Toy lube launcher
Fill ‘er up!

Need some lube? A few recommendations:

Another peculiarity of this product is the choice in charging cable. PALOQUETH opted for a USB to 3.5 mm cable. At first I though it was a bad choice, but it provides for a nearly-waterproof (read: shower=yes, hot tub=no) experience.

PALOQUETH Male G Spot Vibrator Prostate Massager with 8 Vibration Modes , PALOQUETH 3 in 1 Prostate Stimulator with 2 Intense Motors for P-Spot Testicles Perineum Stimulation, Wireless Remote Anal Sex Toy charging cable

Turn Me On!

Push and hold the on/off button until the red indicator light turns on. At this point, the PALOQUETH (insert name here) is armed and ready to fire. Tap the aforementioned button or use the included remote to cycle through the 8 different vibration patterns.

PALOQUETH Male G Spot Vibrator Prostate Massager with 8 Vibration Modes , PALOQUETH 3 in 1 Prostate Stimulator with 2 Intense Motors for P-Spot Testicles Perineum Stimulation, Wireless Remote Anal Sex Toy on off button

PALOQUETH Male G Spot Vibrator Prostate Massager with 8 Vibration Modes , PALOQUETH 3 in 1 Prostate Stimulator with 2 Intense Motors for P-Spot Testicles Perineum Stimulation, Wireless Remote Anal Sex Toy remote
The included remote has a purported range of 30 feet. I haven’t yet tested that figure.

Vibrations are very strong! I’ve been reviewing prostate massagers for several years and can see that the industry is collectively using better materials. PALOQUETH follows suit and doesn’t skimp on the motors for this model. Side note: I wish I knew how to objectively measure vibrator strength. Do you know how? Leave a comment!

Size Matters

Looking back at previous reviews, I realize that I wasn’t giving enough objective info, so I broke out the digital calipers to take some measurements for this review.

The PALOQUETH (insert name here) has an insertable length of 4.5 inches, which is a good length. While the curve of the insert isn’t as aggressive as I would hope for, it hits my prostate and I believe that this is more of a factor of my individual anatomy and preferences than a deficiency in the product engineering. YMMV.

PALOQUETH Male G Spot Vibrator Prostate Massager with 8 Vibration Modes , PALOQUETH 3 in 1 Prostate Stimulator with 2 Intense Motors for P-Spot Testicles Perineum Stimulation, Wireless Remote Anal Sex Toy length size

The width of the insert at its widest point is about 1.5 inches (excuse my Harbor Freight calipers.) This is also very middle-of-the-road. Experienced users and those who like something large may feel a tad unsatisfied; beginners may find this requires a little *extra* lube, but PALOQUETH had the foresight to include the lube launcher to accommodate newbies in that respect.

PALOQUETH Male G Spot Vibrator Prostate Massager with 8 Vibration Modes , PALOQUETH 3 in 1 Prostate Stimulator with 2 Intense Motors for P-Spot Testicles Perineum Stimulation, Wireless Remote Anal Sex Toy width size

The nubs off of the base serve actual functions and aren’t just there as decoration. I appreciated the longer arm coming off the front, which has its own vibration motor to buzz your balls (and perineum,) while the nub on the backside keeps the insertable arm properly positioned against your prostate. Great job, PALOQUETH.

Final Thoughts on the PALOQUETH Male G Spot Vibrator Prostate Massager with 8 Vibration Modes , PALOQUETH 3 in 1 Prostate Stimulator with 2 Intense Motors for P-Spot Testicles Perineum Stimulation, Wireless Remote Anal Sex Toy

For under $30 USD, I was painting the wall of my shower as I cycled through the vibration patterns. The materials that they used have a very quality feel to them, and the included remote might be pretty fun/useful in different applications. I’d say go for it! Buy one here.

Here’s your sign (still.)

PS: I made a video review, too! Feel like watching what you just read? Watch below!